For Every Action There Is An Appropriate Reaction

The recent emotional outbreaks by Chicago Cub stars in the dugout following poor play brings up an interesting question. "What is the most appropriate and effective way to express embarrassment and frustration following a bad performance?"

 None of us are perfect. Even the best of us will make embarrassing and frustrating mistakes at times. For some an outburst is pure acting out. For others its an attempt to  demonstrate to teammates and coworkers how upset we are with ourselves and, "you don't have to be upset with me, I'm already more upset with myself than you could ever be." However, the idea that this kind of acting out is acceptable, is nonsense... It often brings the group down and limits the potential for communication between teammates. Specifically, there are three things wrong with this type of behavior:

1.     We get more of what we think about. I encourage the athletes I work with to reinforce good performance, by acknowledging themselves, saying“that’s who I am.” I suggest poor performance be followed with the thought, “That’s not me. Who I am is ____,  adding a positive image of performing well to the positive thought. Acting out emotionally following poor performance simply intensifies connection to the negative.

2.      On a team, people affect each other. Tom Landry the late, great Dallas Cowboy coach suggested if you want your players to be in control you have to model control.  Losing their cool and acting out is self-centered behavior, and a negative example for others. That’s especially true when the players in question are stars. And its not behavior that’s likely to enhance performance.

3.     There have been numerous examples of players injuring themselves (even teammates) with this kind of thoughtless action. It’s dangerous. It’s out of control… and it’s not cool. Former hockey tough guy, Dave “Tiger” Williams said, “In the old days if you smashed your stick in frustration following some on ice miscue, people thought you really cared. Now they just think you’re a fool.”

My suggestion is, when you experience frustration due to subpar personal performance, take a breath (or two). Then, "use"  the negative emotion to run a positive thought and image. Remember, we get more of what we think about.

If you are the kind of person who holds onto negative thoughts and feelings or if you are someone who needs a more powerful way to release negative emotion, it is important to practice release techniques when you are not emotionally distraught so that you will have more control of your emotional energy when frustrated or upset.

Comments closed for this article.